Last weekend, I had the privilege of sitting in on an excellent small group session. The leader what striving to impress upon us the importance of being ‘needy’ because God designed us that way.
Most of us have a tendency to hide our needs from others. The group leader said the reason for this is because we would rather be loved than known. We become afraid that if we show any vulnerability, those we love will learn the ‘truth’ and decide we aren’t’ worth the trouble.
I’ve noticed this in my own marriage. I would rather get something myself or do without because I don’t want my husband to feel burdened by me. I’m also prone to keep my feelings to myself and try and solve my problems on my own, rather than bothering him with them.
The thing is though, if I don’t let my husband ‘know’ me then he won’t really be loving me, he’ll be loving a fictitious character that I’m presenting to him.
My husband, and our marriage, deserve a lot better than that. Everyone I claim to love does. I need to love them and trust them enough to be honest with them and show them my true self. Nothing healthy can grow from a false identity.
God designed us to need one another and tells us over and over again that He wants us to love each other. Love entails trust and honesty. We were never meant to ‘do life’ on our own. If we were, then God would never have created Eve, He would have made Adam complete by himself.
We are made to get lonely. I happen to be an introvert, so I don’t get lonely as often as other people. When I do feel lonely, however, it’s just as deep. That is not a feeling to ignore, or push aside as weakness. It’s a sign that I was made to love and be loved, by God and others.
When we walk around, afraid to show our true selves, bottling everything up inside, it’s a recipe for disaster. Those buried emotions will eventually rise to the surface and bubble over, often in destructive ways.
I love my husband, my family, and my friends, and one way to show them that is to be honest with them and let them in; have a little faith in them. I’m going to stop pretending that nothing is wrong, and start going to others with my problems instead.
That’s not to say that I’m going to complain about everything 24/7. That’s no way to love someone. But it does mean that when they ask me what’s wrong, I’m going to give an honest answer, and let them love me and help me.
I would encourage you today, that if you are feeling tired and beaten down by life, that in addition to bringing it to God in prayer, you would follow His commandment to love others. Love means trust and honesty, so be open with those you love and let them help you carry your burdens.
It’s ok to need people, God made you that way.