The Bible Says What?!

119

Did you know there is actually a verse in the Bible that says the Israelites had “become heartless like ostriches in the desert”? And in Lamentations (4:3b), of all places! I know I’m taking it out of context and it’s actually a sad chapter…. but seriously, there are some really funny Bible verses out there, in context and out.

For example, I think it’s really funny how often people quote the Bible without knowing it:

‘Rise and shine’ came from Is. 60:1:

“Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you.”

‘Skin of my teeth’ is from Job 19:20:

“I am nothing but skin and bones; I have escaped only by the skin of my teeth.”

‘Sets my teeth on edge’ and ‘sour grapes’ are both from Jer. 31:30:

“…every man that eateth the sour grape, his teeth shall be set on edge.”

God told David to ‘go ’round the mulberry bush’ in 2 Sam. 5:23:

“Therefore David inquired of the Lord, and He said, “You shall not go up; circle around behind them, and come upon them in front of the mulberry trees.”

‘At my wit’s end’ comes from Ps. 107:27:

“They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man, and are at their wits’ end.”

Then there’s ‘in the twinkling of an eye’ in 1 Cor. 15:52:

“In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump:”

‘Money is the root of all evil’ is from the popular, yet misquoted, 1 Tim. 6:10:

“For the love of money is the root of all evil…”

‘The apple of my eye’ is in Deut. 32:10 and Zech. 2:8:

“He encircled him, He instructed him, He kept him as the apple of His eye.”

‘For thus says the Lord of hosts: “He sent Me after glory, to the nations which plunder you; for he who touches you touches the apple of His eye.”’

‘The extra mile’ originally came from Jesus in Matt. 5:41:

‘If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles.’

Along with ‘A house divided against itself cannot stand’ in Matt.12:25:

‘Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them, “Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand.’

And ‘a wolf in sheep’s clothing’ in Matt. 7:15:

“Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.”

snails-copy

Then there are just some really funny verses and stories:

I love it how the men of earth are trying to show themselves great in Gen. 11 by building a tower to reach the heavens and verse 5 says:

“And the LORD came down to see the city and the tower, which the children of man had built.”

(Obviously God can see all things, but He made it a point to say that He ‘came down to see it,’ like bending over to look at an ant hill.)

In 1 Kings 18:27, Elijah is mocking the prophets of Baal when they can’t get their god to light their fire:

‘And at noon Elijah mocked them, saying, “Cry aloud, for he is a god. Either he is musing, or he is relieving himself, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.”’

(That’s it, Baal is taking a bathroom break. He’ll be right back.)

I know it’s tragic when the Israelites fall away and make their golden calf. But… Aaron’s excuse in Ex. 32:24 always cracks me up:

“And I said to them, ‘Whoever has any gold, let them break it off.’ So they gave it to me, and I cast it into the fire, and this calf came out.”

(Honestly Moses, you should have seen it, it was a miracle.)

My pastor pointed out this one from Jonah 2:6:

“…at the roots of the mountains. I went down to the land whose bars closed upon me forever;”

(Poor Jonah, he’s in his darkest hour and all the bars are closed.)

Then there’s Paul, growing fed up with those who insist that circumcision is mandatory for salvation in Gal. 5:12. To be honest, this one’s a tad off color so I’ll leave you to look it up at your discretion.

We also get a peek at Paul’s public speaking abilities in Acts 20:9:

“As Paul spoke on and on, a young man named Eutychus, sitting on the windowsill, became very drowsy. Finally, he fell sound asleep and dropped three stories to his death below.”

(Talk about nodding off in church. No worries, Paul raised him back to life. So all in all, a sermon win)

Here’s what Paul had to say about the gym in 1Tim. 4:8:

“For bodily exercise profiteth little:”

I also like the story of what happens when Peter escapes from prison and goes to see the brethren in Acts 12:13-14:

“And as Peter knocked at the door of the gate, a girl named Rhoda came to answer. When she recognized Peter’s voice, because of her gladness she did not open the gate, but ran in and announced that Peter stood before the gate.”

(Got to love it. Just a minute Peter, we’ll be right with you.)

Another good one is when Paul and Silas are arrested and thrown into prison. Not only do they not take advantage of an earthquake (Acts 16:26-28) but when the magistrates officially release them, this is what Paul says (verse 37):

‘But Paul said to the officers: “They beat us publicly without a trial, even though we are Roman citizens, and threw us into prison. And now do they want to get rid of us quietly? No! Let them come themselves and escort us out.”’

Prov. 21:19 has some interesting marital advice:

“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”

As does Prov. 27:15:

“A quarrelsome wife is as annoying as constant dripping on a rainy day.”

(Just some interesting tidbits you pick up somewhere between wife 7 and 700)

Do you have a well meaning friend who doesn’t know when to give it a rest? Try Job 3:15:

“If only you would be altogether silent! For you, that would be wisdom.”

One of my favorite ‘burn’ lines from the Old Testament actually comes from my least favorite king, Ahab, in 1 Kings 20:11:

‘The king of Israel answered, “Tell him: ‘One who puts on his armor should not boast like one who takes it off.'”

Another gem from Prov. 27, in verse 14:

“A loud and cheerful greeting early in the morning will be taken as a curse!”

(For all of you coffee people out there.)

Here’s some financial advice from Solomon in Ecc.10:19:

“A feast is made for laughter, wine makes life merry, and money is the answer for everything.”

Here’s a fun one from Numbers 12:3:

“(Now the man Moses was very humble, more than all men who were on the face of the earth.)”

What makes this verse funny is that Moses is the one who wrote it. Reminds me of a book I wanna write; ‘Humility and How I Attained It.’

Did you know there were unicorns, dragons, a ghost, wizards, and (sort of)  zombies in the Bible?

Honestly, who said the Bible was boring anyway? I love it! What’s your favorite funny verse?

ebb2e858785acb9582555ee0df99b665

Advertisements

About Leah Ness

I am a self-professed story addict. Ever since I was little, I've had an overactive imagination and a passion for a well-spun yarn. When I grew up, I was blessed with a passion for God as well. It was then that I noticed a relative shortage of unique Christian fiction, the kind that can both captivate you and glorify God. So, despite the hurdles of things like commas and homonyms, I am endeavoring to write some of my own. Check out my Books page for updates on current and future books. View all posts by Leah Ness

2 responses to “The Bible Says What?!

Thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: