Over the last few months my life has been a bit of a rollercoaster. A lot has changed and there is a lot of change that I am still waiting and hoping for.
God has been on the move in my life in a big way and I have been holding on tight as the wild ride continues.
I’ve grown a lot, I’ve seen things, learned things, heard things, experienced things. I’ve asked questions, I’ve received answers, and I’ve asked more.
I’ve been loved and shaped and molded. And at times it’s been very hard.
At other times, it’s been an amazing revelation of God’s love for me.
In my highs and lows of the last few months, I’ve pressed into God more deeply than ever, and I’ve heard from Him more clearly than ever.
That’s the exciting part. That’s the amazing, gracious, precious gift I’ve been given.
I’ve heard Jesus tell me He loves me, many times and in many different ways.
On several occasion, I’ve felt fear, disappointment, anxiety, confusion. I’ve questioned God, and accused God, and set out on my own to have a good, long talk with God.
And His answers have been immeasurably gracious.
Each fresh revelation is precious to me and I drink deeply of the truths that God reveals to me through His Word and His work in my life.
Much like the feast many of us enjoyed yesterday, I eat my fill and am deeply, soul satisfied.
But there is a problem.
I don’t sit still. My life doesn’t sit still. I’m in a constant state of flux and my relationships with God and others are always changing. My circumstances are never permanent. The season I’m in never lasts.
And soon, all too soon, that beautiful revelation I had a week or two ago has grown stale. It doesn’t quiet the fears I feel in this moment. It doesn’t comfort the latest disappointment I’ve experienced.
Like the turkey sandwiches served a week after Thanksgiving, these stale revelations no longer completely satisfy.
And so I go back to the cross. I press in again, harder than before. I return to my knees, I ask my new questions and the Lord ministers to my heart. He re-impresses upon me the greatness of His love, the sovereignty of His will, and He reassures me that I am in His hands.
If you are feeling tired and worn today, dissatisfied with a situation that you had perfect peace about last week, then I would encourage you to head back to the cross where Jesus has prepared a fresh feast of reassurances for you, and where His banner over you is love.
He has brought me to his banquet hall,
And his banner over me is love.
Song of Solomon 2:4