Here we are, several weeks into our new life and I can honestly say that Houston is an answer to prayer… just not the prayer I wanted.
Back when the move was looming in the future, I started to feel nervous about it and began praying for stronger faith.
And since the job search had yet to yield fruit, I began to pray for patience as well.
It was around this time that I hear the song Oceans in Church and thought about how beautiful the lyrics were: “Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders, let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me.”
That sounded awesome to me. Where my trust is without borders. That line quickly became the cry of my heart. Well, a cry of my heart.
But deep down, I was still that child sitting on the beach, absorbed with building sandcastles. I let my dreams run away with me and I prayed desperately for them to be fulfilled. And, meanwhile, I prayed for some faith and patience too.
But I can’t grow in my walk with the Lord of I’m too busy playing in the sand because that’s the thing about sand, it gets everywhere. It distracts. And it doesn’t fulfill.
I want to seek God. I want to grow closer to Him. I want to walk out on the water to Him. And I prayed for that.
So as the story goes, I got to Houston and I didn’t like it. I became homesick and disillusioned and disappointed. Nothing was working out the way we’d hoped it would, and I wanted to know why.
So I asked God, “What are You doing?” And He told me, “I’m giving you what you wanted.”
It was then that I realized that God had answered my prayer to let me walk upon the waters. He’s answering my prayers to grow my faith and to learn patience by giving me opportunities to trust Him and wait on Him.
I’ve been so worried that I missed something, that I strayed outside of His will because nothing seemed to be going right. And now I realize that this is just what it’s like to walk on water. It’s scary, and uncomfortable. And it’s very difficult to build sandcastles out here on the waves.
But it’s also exhilarating, and freeing, and intimate. Because as soon as I realized I was out on the water, I realized that Jesus was right next to me, holding my hand. And, like Peter, I’ll only sink if I take my eyes off Him.
It is so encouraging to realize that God loves me too much to only answer little prayers. It’s a privilege to think that God has called me, of all people, to walk with Him on the waves. What an honor that my faith, small and weak as it is, moved the heart of the Creator of the universe such that He would answer my prayer to draw nearer to Him, knowing full well that I would complain about this great gift as soon as He gave it to me. How great is that grace!
I am so grateful that God loves me enough to answer the prayers I need Him to, instead of the prayers I want Him to. I’m so grateful for this opportunity to walk with my Savior.