The other week I posted about how the Lord has called me to wait with hopeful expectation. And I’ve been trying, honest. This week has had a lot more joy and peace in it than last week did. I’ve been claiming more of the Lords promises, I’ve been watching more carefully for the snares of the enemy, and I’ve been praying a lot more.
But I’m still waiting. And something is still not quite right.
You know when you have a nagging worry or doubt in the back of your mind? Almost like you’re being stalked by something, but you’re too afraid of it to actually turn around and face it?
Yep, me too. And for me, it’s my husband’s job search.
There hasn’t been any word yet and it’s been throwing off my peace and joy vibes. Every time the thought hits me that we are still unemployed, it feels like this painful little dig. And, in an effort to remain positive, I’ve been pushing the thought away as soon as it surfaces.
So over all it’s been a better week, but the other day on my prayer walk I was just telling the Lord that I didn’t like that about my life. Everything else has been going well, I have contentment in so many other areas, but this one thought is like a black hole, a worry that’s sucking my peace and joy right out of me.
And that’s when I figured out what hopeful expectation really means in this situation.
Placing my hope in God means that my worries become happy thoughts.
It means that instead of fretting about what hasn’t happened and what will happen, that I should be so excited about what God has planned, whatever that may be.
It’s like when you’re watching a magic trick. You don’t know what will happen in a seemingly hopeless situation (i.e. a man has just vanished into thin air and there’s no possible way he can return) but you have faith in the magician to amaze you with his trick. You know you couldn’t do anything with the situation, but you trust that the finale will be mind-blowing.
It should be that way with waiting on God. I shouldn’t settle for slightly cloudy skies with a chance of rain. God wants me basking in His sunlight!
So from now on, whenever I feel that pesky doubt, that paper tiger, stalking me, I’m going to turn around and confront it head on. Because fear has no place in a heart that’s full of Jesus. Perfect love casts out fear.
I need to examine that black hole to see what’s at the heart of it, whether it’s a grudge that keeps me from trusting God, greed and discontent, impatience, idolatry, what have you. Once I find that sin, I need to repent of it, and cast it far from me. Then I replace that old doubt with a happy thought.
The thought that Jesus loves me and can do anything He wants with this situation. The thought that the Almighty Creator of the universe hears every word I say, and every word I don’t; my prayer reaches Him directly and immediately, it doesn’t get stuck in an in-box. The thought that He has everything under control and it’s all going according to His plan. The thought that He is faithful and cannot break His promises.